Taxfic with Ponies
by LastScorpion
Summary: For Celli's Eleventh Annual Unofficial Taxfic Challenge. They have a big government structure in My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, so they must have taxes, right?


Taxfic with Ponies (Tax Year 2012, Calendar Year 2013)  
by LastScorpion for Celli

Callie Draft and her brother, Plank, were building an addition onto Sugarcube Corner, the Cake Family's shop and home.

Callie's cutie mark was an abacus. She loved math, and she was always saying things like, "Measure twice; cut once!" and, "No! That's a load-bearing wall!"

Plank's cutie mark was a hammer, and his favorite saying was, "I like hammers."

Granny Smith and Applejack came trotting into the store, carrying a basket of apples between them and a second basket on Applejack's back. Granny set down her burden and stretched out her neck until it cracked like a gunshot.

"In my day," she declared, apparently continuing a complaint begun before picking the basket up way back at Apple Acres, "the guv'mint -" here she paused to spit into the flower bed just outside the door "- contented themselves with taking a tenth of an honest hard-working pony's produce! There was none of this monkeying about with bucks and bits!"

"That's a buck and a half, Mrs. Cake," Applejack said, setting down her own load of apples and shoving both baskets back behind the counter.

Mrs. Cake counted out 12 bits as Pinkie Pie took the fruit into the kitchen.

"Mind you," Granny continued to reminisce, "there was always a certain amount of what you might term NON-COMPLIANCE under the old system. Why, my Great-Uncle Clyde down in South Dale, he used to fill every tenth basket mostly with road apples, just a layer of genuine apples on top. He said the tricky part was getting the tax collectors to start counting in the right spot! Beer helped a lot with that part, he used to say. Plenty of beer."

"Any order for next week?" Applejack asked.

"Same again, I think. These look lovely!" Mrs. Cake replied. "Good luck with your taxes!"

Pinkie Pie came bouncing in to the main part of the shop. "Good luck with taxes! I'm the pony who always has the best luck with taxes!"

"How's that, dear?" Granny Smith asked.

"I haven't had to fill out my taxes in years! Gosh, it's been a long time! I don't know how it happens, but every single year, my income turns out to be juuuuust low enough that I don't have to file! Even that year I found all those gems down by the river - even that year, the limit was just above what I made! Lucky, lucky pony me!" She poinged back into the kitchen, and the Apple family mares swished their tails good-bye and headed back home.

Callie measured, marked, re-measured, and sawed a board. She remembered reading a story in the Filly-nancial Times, a few years before. Apparently, it had taken the Equestrian Revenue Service most of a year to untangle itself after the last time Pinkie Pie had submitted a tax return, and the income threshold for filing had been deliberately set to just miss her every year since, to avoid the surreal ordeal.

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash came in and started looking at the pastries. Rarity flounced in right after them.

"But why won't you help me?" Rarity whined. "You're so brainy! And taxes are so hard!"

"Tax forms are not really my thing, Rarity. You know, my job at the Ponyville Library counts as work-study - it all goes to tuition, room, board, and books, so it's not even really considered taxable."

"Taxes are so hard!" Rainbow mocked. "Baloney. Mine have been done for ages!"

"Be fair, Rainbow," Twilight chided her. "You only have to consider your wages from the Weather Service. Rarity runs her own business, so her tax forms are much more complicated."

"Oh, my, yes!" added Mrs. Cake, bringing out another tray of cupcakes. "Poor Mr. Cake has been hard at-work on ours all week!"

Callie looked up and dropped the pencil she'd been using. Mr. Cake and Plank had wandered off together for a ten-minute water break half-an-hour ago, and Callie had been absent-mindedly adding up receipts and filling in blanks on the papers Mr. Cake had left behind - she'd accidentally almost-finished the Cakes' small-business taxes already. Oops. (Auntie Dray had taught Callie how to do the Draft Family Builders' taxes when she was just a filly, and she'd been doing them all by herself ever since Auntie had retired to Hallandale Beach.)

Enough wool-gathering! Callie reminded herself to pay attention to her own job. She trotted back outside to double-check they had lumber enough stacked up to finish the project, and plenty of nails. Without Plank's hammering, she could still hear the ponies chatting inside.

Fluttershy had come in and joined the conversation. "I'd never dream of trying to do my own taxes!" she exclaimed quietly. "Of course, I don't usually have enough income to worry about it. But you remember the year I did all that modelling? I got a Certified Pony Accountant to figure out my taxes for me. She was very nice, and she did a very good job. I didn't even know I could count all my little animal friends as dependents!"

"That's exactly what I need!" Rarity declared. "Where can I find one of these Certified Pony Counts?"

"Oh, well, I found mine in Canterlot. I was spending an awful lot of time in the capitol that year."

"Yes, Rarity, I'm afraid there aren't any CPAs doing business here in Ponyville. You'd have to hire one from Canterlot," Twilight told her.

Fluttershy tentatively cleared her throat. "And I'm afraid that getting somepony to travel all the way down here might make it just a little bit, um, expensive?"

"Oh!" Rarity moaned in exasperation. "Why isn't there a CPA in Ponyville?"

Callie almost lost count of the nails. She'd just had a brilliant idea. From the moment her cutie mark had come in, she and her whole family had known that she'd be perfect for the planning part of the work they did at the Draft Family Builders, and she really was very good at it. But she'd kind of always wanted something a little different.

As soon as business slowed down for the winter, she'd do it - she would go to Canterlot and sign up for classes to become a Certified Pony Accountant!

Author's Disclaimer: I own no rights to _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ or any of its characters.


End file.
